Im more confused then ever right now.

I like you. Alot.

I feel like im losing my sanity. Things just arent right anymore. I have alot of thinking to do.

So it seems I might have found out how to keep myself happy. Writing to this mixtape and just being in the studio is such a great feeling. I feel so at home. Like its where i belong. I owe it to my boy Keemy. And were gonna make it big one day so look out for our names, ill see yall in the cloudddss

^^^^

My dad told me that today.

And honestly, I just wanna say that I love my dad. And i don’t know where i would be without him. He supports me, through the hard and easy times. Anyway possible that he could help me he always does, even if it seems impossible he finds a way. Thank-you so much. And i just wanna say Than-you. And when i make it big with this music stuff your gonna be having the best time of your life. I promise. 

But yet again i find my mind wandering into these thoughts of loneliness. You know those thoughts. 

I’ll never be good enough for her. 

My friends all secretly hate me. 

 I grew up being a loser, and that’s what i always will be.

I know i can’t be the only one feeling this way, but somehow my self conscious keeps making me feel that’s true. Is it because i dropped out of high school? Is it because i wasn’t as good to “her” as i could have been? Or is it because i let these people i call friends take advantage of me thinking they’ll like me more. I guess ill never know. But from here on I’m making a stand. No longer will i try to impress anyone, or do what other people think is right. 

Keep your “Friends” close & Enemies closer.

Because growing up being made fun of, and being looked at the same way everyone look at these outcasts nowadays makes me sick. As hard as it is to believe, these kids you make fun of, or beat up. Could be the president of The United States one day. Whoever is reading this might not believe it, but when i was a kid all i was was the fat kid who always wore the same clothes that I’ve had for years. And believe me everybody made fun of me. The reason i know this is because i watched everybody do it. They didn’t even have the self respect to go and do when i’m not around. There were an uncountable amount of days in my childhood i would look forward to going home so i could cry for hours to get all of the pain away. Nobody was there for me, i was forced to change my true self to fit the person these people wanted me to be. How wrong is that? The thing is. All of these so called “Popular Kids” were exactly who i dreamed of being. To be inside of the group where everybody likes to see you, and everybody likes talking to you, and to have the females actually be attracted to you. But for what reason? See, people don’t know this. Because there’s no need to spill this out on Facebook or tell everyone i know to get pity. That’s the last thing i want. I want people to learn from it. And realize that nothing is what it seems, that anything can happen and to keep doing what you love doing in your heart. 

“I love him, not you.”

Pain doesn’t explain how i feel.

Im breaking Down.

Fuck My Whole Entire Life.

Everybody is so happy. All of the people who surround me seem to have this happiness i cannot find. Sometimes i like to think it’s “her” who gave me that same happiness i now envy. It’s not her fault though, it’s mine. Maybe I just don’t deserve to be happy.